Thursday, October 17, 2013

It feels like an eternity since I last shared some news on my IVF cycle and our journey to becoming parents.  On my last post Tuesday I was beyond excited about what I thought was a successful retrieval – 17 eggs and all we needed was one to implant for the embryo transfer, maybe two if we were really lucky.  Apparently luck wasn’t in the cards this go around.  I received the devastating news yesterday about 5 PM from my doctor – the IVF cycle was not successful.  He had waited until the end of the day to call me because he ran all possible tests to determine what could possibly have gone wrong.  But in the end, not one of my 17 eggs were fertilized by Brian’s sperm.  Not one.  Needless to say, I am heartbroken and sad….I really thought that we had a good shot this time and prayed that it would work.  So what’s next?  We have to meet with my doctor in two weeks to discuss in detail what happened.  Unfortunately I can’t remember most of the conversation I had with my doctor yesterday with the exception of “Not one of the eggs fertilized” and “It’s an egg issue, not a sperm issue, and that this is very rare and doesn’t happen very often.”  They don’t prepare you for this news in the fucking IVF class…maybe they should add that slide to their handy Power Point presentation in the off-chance that someone does experience this “very rare” circumstance.  Despite the shitty news from my doctor, the last thing that he said to me before hanging up and that I have tried not to forget was “Cecelia, don’t give up hope.”  Despite my bad mood and lack of sleep, I went to work today as life goes on.  I am trying to remain positive and hopeful, and will continue to pray to the God and my angels above that our time will come someday.  In the meantime, we are going to get a second opinion at Cornell and will also start researching adoption agencies.  As I said to my sister Patrice, “The goal is to start a family…not necessarily get pregnant.”  If I get pregnant, great..if not…no big deal, we will adopt a child and love them just the same.  I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband who has been my rock through this emotional rollercoaster – he encourages me every day to stay positive and assures me that no matter what, we will always have each other 🙂  Thank you to all for keeping us in your prayers and for the kind words – it means the world to me knowing that I’m loved by so many wonderful people.  Love you all and good night.