Charlotte Grace

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Posted on October 18, 2013     Leave a Comment

It feels like an eternity since I last shared some news on my IVF cycle and our journey to becoming parents.  On my last post Tuesday I was beyond excited about what I thought was a successful retrieval – 17 eggs and all we needed was one to implant for the embryo transfer, maybe two if we were really lucky.  Apparently luck wasn’t in the cards this go around.  I received the devastating news yesterday about 5 PM from my doctor – the IVF cycle was not successful.  He had waited until the end of the day to call me because he ran all possible tests to determine what could possibly have gone wrong.  But in the end, not one of my 17 eggs were fertilized by Brian’s sperm.  Not one.  Needless to say, I am heartbroken and sad….I really thought that we had a good shot this time and prayed that it would work.  So what’s next?  We have to meet with my doctor in two weeks to discuss in detail what happened.  Unfortunately I can’t remember most of the conversation I had with my doctor yesterday with the exception of “Not one of the eggs fertilized” and “It’s an egg issue, not a sperm issue, and that this is very rare and doesn’t happen very often.”  They don’t prepare you for this news in the fucking IVF class…maybe they should add that slide to their handy Power Point presentation in the off-chance that someone does experience this “very rare” circumstance.  Despite the shitty news from my doctor, the last thing that he said to me before hanging up and that I have tried not to forget was “Cecelia, don’t give up hope.”  Despite my bad mood and lack of sleep, I went to work today as life goes on.  I am trying to remain positive and hopeful, and will continue to pray to the God and my angels above that our time will come someday.  In the meantime, we are going to get a second opinion at Cornell and will also start researching adoption agencies.  As I said to my sister Patrice, “The goal is to start a family…not necessarily get pregnant.”  If I get pregnant, great..if not…no big deal, we will adopt a child and love them just the same.  I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband who has been my rock through this emotional rollercoaster – he encourages me every day to stay positive and assures me that no matter what, we will always have each other 🙂  Thank you to all for keeping us in your prayers and for the kind words – it means the world to me knowing that I’m loved by so many wonderful people.  Love you all and good night.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Posted on October 15, 2013     Leave a Comment

Today went very well, the doctor retrieved 17 eggs which was surprising to me – I was praying for just 8 to 10 eggs so I was pleasantly surprised.  The actual procedure only took about 20 minutes.  The team of doctors and nurses were all great and overall I feel pretty good.  I’m tired and a little sore with mild cramping, but overall I feel good 🙂  Brian was successful in what he likes to call the “Spank Tank”.  When he left with the nurse to go to the Collection Room, I hear him say “How’s the ambience today?  Dim lights, soft music?”  Seriously, he cracks me up and the nurse by my side was hysterically laughing.  He did get a little worried when he was checking out the video selection in the “Spank Tank” – the first one being Black Booty 47 and the second one being Spanish Ass.  LMFAO.  He finally found a video that was to his liking and somewhat bearable to watch 🙂  After I was released from the recovery room, we went back down to the fertility center so one of the nurses could show Brian where to inject the Progesterone on my butt.  I have two circles sharpied on my ass, X marks the spot.  The Progesterone injections begin tomorrow morning.  Since Brian will be doing these injections for the next two weeks he didn’t want to take any chances of messing it up so he made sure the nurse clearly marked the spots.  I guarantee you won’t see a sharpied bottom like mine in Booty 47 or Spanish Ass!!!!  Tomorrow we find out how many embryos we have and whether we go back Thursday or Sunday for the transfer.  Keeping my fingers crossed and continuing to pray to all my angels above.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Posted on October 15, 2013     Leave a Comment

Off to Valley for the big day, I just wanted to share some words of encouragement from my good friend Donnie Frisby-

Dear sweet baby Jesus lying dwn with yur kahakies diapers don’t Evan kno a word yet please use yur baby Jesus powers to help my sis have a baby Jesus just like u & dear sweet baby Jesus help the B-Grimm peel off a healthy one n yur baby Jesus Dixie cup amen n amen-

Thanks mister, you crack me up and I appreciate your prayers 🙂

Monday, October 14, 2013

Posted on October 15, 2013     Leave a Comment

So tomorrow is the big day – Egg retrieval!!!!  I went back to Valley this morning and my blood work looks good.  We have to be at the hospital at 8:00 AM for a 9:30 AM retrieval.  The doctor will let us know tomorrow how many eggs were retrieved.  Please keep us in your prayers and cross your fingers for lots of eggs 🙂  Sweet dreams xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Posted on October 13, 2013     Leave a Comment

So today has been tough and disappointing.  I went to Valley for blood work and received a call from the nurse that there was no trace of HCG in my body – somehow the injection I took last night didnt’ work.  We now have to wait until Tuesday to do the retrieval and I’m scared that the extra day has now compromised the IVF cycle.  I’m trying to stay positive but all I want to do is cry – I’m sad and I just wish for once for things would go right or as planned.  Brian is trying to cheer me up and keeps telling me to think positively – but I can’t help but think that it’s a sign from God that we weren’t meant to be parents.  I know that it’s not the end of the world and it could always be worse – but it doesn’t change the fact that this process has been emotionally and physically draining.  So in the meantime, I will continue to pray to God, St. Gerard, Dad, Grandma, Leslie, Nonna, Uncle Jay and Wayne – pray for us, please give me the strength to get through this difficult and challenging time.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Posted on October 12, 2013     Leave a Comment

Back to Valley this morning for monitoring – follicles and lining look good, which is a good sign.  My doctor hollered at me about taking it easy aka don’t overdo it at the gym.  She pretty much told me “walking only” – which of course pisses me off because I’m not going to get a workout from walking!  But that’s okay – it’s only temporary until we through the next few weeks, I will have to suck it up…and WALK.  My stomach is starting to look like a dart board from the daily injections, along with being sore – the good thing is that I won’t have to take any more injections in the stomach….it’s ASS time, LOL 🙂  I just received a message from Valley that we are doing the egg retrieval Monday morning, which is very exciting.   Tonight Brian has to give me the “trigger” shot in my butt and then back for monitoring tomorrow.  He’s already freaking out and feeling the pressure – he asked if P could come up tonight to supervise because he doesn’t want to fuck it up…I think he will be fine…he better be fine or I’m going to stab something in his ass.  We have to take it exactly at 10:30 PM and then retrieval is exactly 36 hours later – crazy how precise the timing has to be.  Please pray for us and my eggs 🙂  Hopefully we will get enough viable eggs so we can freeze them for the future.   Love you all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Posted on October 10, 2013     Leave a Comment

Today was my fifth day of stimulation medicine and I am starting to feel the effects.  Surprisingly I’m not moody or bitchy – just bloated, cramping, and back pain – all normal side effects of the medication.  I go back to Valley tomorrow morning for monitoring and to check the progress of the follicles.  Brian and I have the med’s down now – every night at 10:00 PM we prepare them and I inject myself.  Brian alcohol swabs all the tops and my stomach, he preps the needles and disposes them – he’s been a big help and I’m happy he is here to be a part of this process 🙂  I went to the gym tonight, was feeling tired and had a little bit of a headache, but I actually felt better after breaking a sweat.  I can’t go crazy at the gym – no running, no heavy lifting, and no twisting or crunches – not easy for me to do but I must follow doctor’s orders.  Getting ready to hit the sack or going to attempt to fall asleep – Layla’s butt is in my face and she has the most horrific gas tongight!!!! Sweet dreams xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Posted on October 6, 2013     Leave a Comment

Today was my first day of monitoring at Valley.  My bloodwork and ultrasound were all normal, so we get to start the stimulation medicines tonight.  But before that, we spent a wonderful day in the city.  Vito drove me down to meet Brian.  With everything going on with the fertility treatment – Brian decided to celebrate our 5 year anniversary early.  We went to see Wicked at the Gershwin Theatre.  The show was awesome and it was nice to spend some time with my hubby who had been traveling all week.  After the show we had a fabulous dinner at Quality Meats to celebrate 5 wonderful years of marriage, or as I would say 5 years of torturing eachother.  Just kidding.  The food was amazing and the service was spot on.  As we were leaving, my wonderul husband of 5 years decided to haggle with a homeless man…seriously, all wrong.  He wanted money, Brian wanted to give him our leftover takeout food…but of course he didn’t want food.  Brian only had a $20 and told him he wasn’t going to give him the whole $20, so the homeless guy responded “I only have $3 to my name!”  Brian’s response – “Give me change for the $20, so now you have $17 to your name, along with a porterhouse steak, sauteed spinach, and mashed potatoes!”  I was trying not too laugh – only Brian would cut a deal with a homeless guy and ask for change.  Brian tortures all that come in his path.  And it was so fitting that he was wearing an Ocean City MD t-shirt, ALL WRONG!!!!  The real fun was still to come – we got home and it was time to take my two injections.  After arguing for five minutes “you’re not doing it right, give it to me” we (meaning I) finally figured it out.  I was about to take that needle and stab my wonderful husband of five years in the eye if he told me one more time I was doing it wrong.   Of course I was doing it right…I have only sat in on the injections class twice, googled the shit out of “How to inject Menopur and Follistim while your husband bitches at you”, and listened to the nurse’s message giving instructions six times – there’s no way I was fucking this up! Husbands – you can’t kill them and you can’t stab them with your injectibles – not because you don’t want to hurt him, but in fear that you’re going to waste that valuable medicine and have to call in a refil.  Back to the doctor on Tuesday morning for monitoring.  And one more thing – Mom – I continue to pray to Saint Gerard and I wear my blessed baby pin everyday 🙂  Thank you again.  Love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo